Things marriage cannot change….
Marriage is the start of many great things and it offers the potential of a beautiful journey of companionship, joy and growth. But only if you do it right.
The first step to building a solid marriage is to go into with realistic expectations. Many people are now divorce because they made their marriages choices based unrealistic expectations. Many people say their marriages failed for “irreconcilable differences” but the truth is that a whole lot of marriages may have failed because of irreconcilable expectations.
Marriage is meant to contribute to your happiness, it is not meant to be solely responsible for it. Here are some expectations about marriage that it just won’t meet.
Marriage can’t solve boredom
Maybe for the first few days or weeks it might but marriage can’t help anyone escape boredom permanently. Marriage is an event in life and life is reality. In real life, you address and deal with boredom as it comes up not try to use events like marriage, a jobs or child-bearing to escape it.
So for those who want to get married to keep boredom away or generate excitement, it’s going to be a big disappointment.
Marriage can’t cure loneliness
Marriage is meant to and does offer companionship but it cannot cure loneliness. You deal with loneliness and not place the burden of never feeling lonely on your partner or marriage. it really isn’t fair.
Many people who have great friends and family who keep in touch regularly still feel lonely. This is because while loneliness may be alleviated by friendship and companionship, it is to be primarily dealt with personally.
Loneliness often arises from a need to belong and oftentimes, that has to do with perspective. Some people just never get the right perspective and nobody, not even a loving spouse can help with that.
Marriage can’t fulfill all your fantasies
This kind of expectation is serious over-reaching. The partners in a marriage are human beings not machines or magicians; anyone expecting that all their fantasies (sexual and whatnot) will come to fruition through the fragile and limited being who agreed to spend their lives with them is living in wonderland. A wake-up call is necessary.
A lot of the excitement that characterizes the first months or years (normally doesn’t exceed two years, at most) will eventually give way to the vicissitudes of life; its normal. This is really how communication and friendship evolves to unfold that beautiful and loving companionship that marriage should be.
No marriage is or will be a daily sex romp, no matter what the movies say.
Marriage can’t change anyone
Getting married to someone based on the belief that you or them will be changed by this big move is a misfire. No one can remake anyone through marriage and it’s important for people to be clear about that.
Relationships can challenge people, give new perspectives and improve them but only if they cooperate with it. It’s always best to marry someone based on what you’re getting now because they might never change. And even when people grow up or improve, it is not the same thing as a total makeover. By the way, marriage doesn’t do that; life, relationships (many pieces of them), and personal choice are what makes the changes.
Don’t shortchange yourself with wrong expectations and end up more miserable; marriage is good but it’s not a magic wand.