Third Parties That Can Destroy A Relationship
One of the marks of a balanced life is the stability of a variety of relationships that meet all your emotional and social needs and also allow you to express yourself in different ways. Nowadays, people talk about meeting the love of their lives as if it’s the only important thing. This isn’t really the case because most people that live fulfilled lives are those who have functioning relationships in different areas.
So you shouldn’t just have a great relationship with your spouse or partner but you should also have, at least, some good friends and strong family connections. This is what makes a strong emotional base; you need other strong relationships because that man or woman you’re in love with is not superman and neither are you. Sometimes they can’t help you and sometimes, they’re the problem you’re trying to sort out.
However, you will make a miserable mess of your life if you refuse to understand the uniqueness of a love connection; there are a lot of deep things that both of you will share that you cannot share with others. There are certain areas of your love and partnership that other third parties cannot participate in. Knowing this will help you enjoy a balanced and happy life
Here are 4 kinds of third parties that can ruin your relationship if you don’t manage them well.
Friends
You have to keep your friends in the right place when it concerns your relationship. You shouldn’t allow them to be involved in your relationship as if they’re in it with you and your partner.
They’re nothing wrong with asking them for advice or confiding in them when you need to but you’ve got to do it in such a way that they understand that there are boundaries.
You shouldn’t tell them everything that happens in your relationship; some things have just got to stay private to both of you. If you don’t keep it that way, they may find it hard to respect your spouse or partner and it won’t be their fault. Don’t invite them to correct or scold your partner for you; if you do that, you’ll be killing the relationship. If both of you have issues to resolve, it’s always better to seek out a neutral counsellor.
Siblings
Your relationship with your siblings is different from your relationship with your partner. You can’t treat it the same way. Even if you’re very close to them, you’ve got have boundaries. Don’t make a show of discussing sensitive issues in your love life with them on the excuse that you all share everything. Even if you must confide in them, do it privately without making it seem that they matter more than your spouse.
When you receive advice or suggestions from them, be wise enough not toalways state that they said so. It might seem harmless to you but if you do it long enough, your partner might conclude that you are living and dealing with him/her on their instructions.
If they’re older than you and like to give you their opinions about everything, you will have to show your partner that it’s not about him/her but how they’ve always behaved with you. In addition to that, you must make it clear that he or she is not subject to their opinions and that your relationship is between the two of you.
Parents
Your parents are an important part of your life and they have a place that no one else can take. In the same vein, they can’t take the place of other relationships in your life, like your love life.
If you’re going to succeed in keeping a healthy relationship with your partner, he/she must not feel that he has to compete with your parents or that he/she is under their shadow. You must establish yourself as an autonomous person; don’t bring them into your relationship where they are not meant to be.
Don’t bring their advice, opinions, criticism about your partner or any area of your lives into the relationship. If they’ve expressed any, keep it private. Make sure you let them know that you will not tolerate any undue interference and they are not allowed to disrespect your partner.
Your relationship can only be healthy when your partner knows that you are not tied to your parent’s apron strings. Only autonomous individuals can have healthy relationships.
Experts
Experts could be anybody from your spiritual counsellor to a marriage counsellor or someone who you think has a great deal of experience and respect. Every relationship is unique and honestly, sometimes that “expert” doesn’t understand your particular situation. You’ve got to be careful how you apply their counsel.
Learn to tailor expert or wise counsel according to the uniqueness of your relationship. Don’t take things that are said literally or try to force the results that they promised. You’re the one in the relationship: you know your partner. Take advice and apply it in a way that respects you and your partner. Don’t lose your sense of judgement to expert advice.