Marriage has a lot of ups and downs and it shouldn’t be any surprise. It takes a whole lot for two people who are from different backgrounds, with different personalities and experiences to settle down and blend in properly with each other in order to live in peace, co-operation and bliss. One thing that couples definitely need to make the best of their marriage is understanding.

Couples really need to establish an understanding of each order to get the best out of their relationships. To do this, they must learn to determine their own system in the different areas of everyday living. One thing that causes a lot of misunderstanding between couples is house chores. Oftentimes, there are disagreements between who should do what, what kinds of chores are suitable to the husband or wife, who is doing too much work and who’s doing nothing, etc.

When it comes to avoiding conflict on house chores, these ideas are easy guides on how couples should handle them

Marriage is about partnership and helping each other

This should be the guiding idea for any couples about house chores. When there are too strict, role and chore apportioning then there is a problem. A couple is supposed to be a single unit not too people fighting about territory. The aim to live in an orderly and well organised home is the concern and burden of both husband and wife equally. Even when there are functions allotted based on availability, skill and maybe cultural ideas, the mind-set that doing house chores and setting affairs right is in the interest of both parties and where one party is overwhelmed or lacking behind, the automatic response should concern and a desire to offer help by encouragement or assistance and not to blame or find faults.

It’s not about what others think

When two people come together in marriage, they ought to be seen creating their own language  and culture. While they may draw from what they have previously known, their lifestyle should be about what works for them and what they think is right.

Many husbands are not able to help their wives in doing house chores as they should because they are concerned that friends and  family may see them as sissies or weak men who are being controlled by their wives. This often makes them unreasonable even in areas where they could be of useful help to keeping things in order. The end result is usually anger and resentment from the wife that spills into other important areas of their marriage.

There must be agreement and acceptance

The what and how of house chores often become a problem where there is assumption instead of assumption instead of agreement about what who will do. Many times, women want to impose some of these assumption about how their husbands should help around the house without any prior discussion and this may lead to resistance and tension

Another problem is where there is assumption instead of acceptance. A man who is not good at housekeeping or was not exposed to a family life of men helping in the kitchen might not be interested not out of malice but because that’s just how it is for him. If a lady wants a man who will wash the plates while she cooks or who cooks and cleans like her dad, she needs to ascertain before marriage that her man fits for this role or that he is agreeable to it.

Fight with your spouse because he/she is not doing house chores that he/she never expected to do is not fair. Don’t change after marriage; it is better to state what you want before marriage and work out compromises then not when it’s all done.

There’s nothing wrong in getting help

Some people still think it’s a sign of virtue for a woman to spend hours cooking, washing and cleaning even though she has a full-time job, three kids and a husband that wants some attention; wrong. If she’s super enough to handle it, fine but if not, she’s not a failure, she just needs help.

There’s nothing wrong is not the type to cook you breakfast in bed or he’s not interested in cleaning or doing any house chores as long as he understands that there’ll be need to get some help.

If a couple are not up to the task of managing house chores because the pressures of life or because they simply don’t fancy it, it is okay to get help; a cook, a cleaner, a housemaid and any other thing they might need.