Wives, How to Nurture a Good Relationship with Your Mother-in-law
Getting Along with your mother-in-law
When we get married, the family members of our spouse become a part of our lives and in fact they ought to become a part of our family (in the long run). But everyone who lives in the real world knows that this is hardly ever the case. There seem to be more people who don’t get along with their in-laws then those who do. But there is a special prevalence of bad blood and feud between wives and their daughter-in-laws.
Nobody can really say why but many relationships between wives and mothers-in-law are fraught with suspicion, competition, defensiveness and fear among many things. The wife sees a deeper and sinister motive to virtually everything that is said or done and so it is on the side of the mother-in-law. While in many instances, these feelings are unfounded, the truth of the matter is that these feelings turn out to be true in many more cases.
In spite of the rocky and tense relationship that many wives have with their mothers-in-law, most of them will have to deal and relate with each other for many years. Although a lot of ladies wish that their mothers-in-law are dead before they meet and marry their husbands, this is hardly ever the case. Even when a man’s biological mother is late, he usually has some woman (or women) whose place in his life is like that of a mother.
The best thing for every wise woman looking to enjoy her marriage is to plan to get along with her mother-in-law as best as she can, instead of heading into battles that may not be necessary.
Here are foundational tips that will help wives to nurture a cordial relationship with their mothers-in-law:
Self-acceptance and confidence
This is so important for anyone who wants to have a peaceful life and relationships; a lady who has learnt to accept and love herself will be able to share the space of relationships with others without becoming suspicious, and defensive about everything that is said or done. She knows that everything is not about her.
A confident wife is able to understand the fact that her mother-in-law may be watchful of her or somewhat protective of her son in the process of adjusting to the fact that her son is now a married man. She will make effort to reassure her mother-in-law that she loves her son and will be a blessing to him instead of being defensive and competitive.
A self-assured and confident woman will react to most things with a sense of worthiness that aims to resolves crises and not just react to it. Any woman aiming to go into marriage should seek self-understanding and growth in order to attain a confidence that helps her to pursue peace and not feel foolish for not being combative. Marriage will require both partners to make room for their in-laws, who may have differences that will require time and patience to adjust to. Confidence will help a lady to stay the course of this process without unnecessary drama.
Love and respect
In order to have a meaningful relationship with a mother-in-law, a woman must consciously extend the love and respect she feels for her husband to his mother. Going into marriage with a fenced-off love that is only for one’s spouse, may lead to a lot of problems. Seeing your mother-in-law as an outsider instead of an important part of your husband’s life is something she might pick up on; this may lead to rocky relationship.
Extending an arm of love to your-mother-in-law can easily soften her heart towards you and make your relationship progress better. But even if she is difficult, relating with a heart of love towards her should eventually bring down her defences.
Make sure you are respectful towards your mother-in-law; it will keep you in good terms with her and also with your husband.
However, in the event that she has made up her mind and refuses to accept you, having a loving and respectful disposition help to create a tenacity to keep doing your best and to maintain a clear conscience that helps you keep your peace.
A solid relationship between wife and mother-in-law is one that is based on the truth of who both of them really are. A wife should always resist the temptation to pretend or people-please just to get approval from her mother-in-law.
It is better to be yourself, and get acceptance, love and respect from your in-law in the long run than to get it quickly through pretence and lose it when you are eventually found out.
If you want a true and long lasting relationship with your mother-in-law, be yourself! And even if she doesn’t get to like the real you, you get to retain the freedom to be yourself and retain your peace.
Use wise words
Don’t talk anyhow, study your mother-in-law and learn how to talk to her.
Many women have problems with their mothers-in-law because they refused to control their speech and tailor their communication with wisdom. Be wise.
Patience is a virtue. Sometimes things don’t blend immediately but when they do, it is so beautiful. Sometimes as a wife, you’re doing all the right things and all you need to get where you want with your mother-in-law is patience. Give her time to get to know and understand you.
Offense is inevitable in all relationships. Don’t hold your mother-in-law to ideals that you do not hold your spouse or even your own mother to. Don’t set standards for her that even you can’t meet; she is human and she will offend you severally so prepare your heart to forgive her when the time comes.
Be Strong and trust yourself
Sometimes despite your best efforts and even after many years, your mother-in-law never seems to come around; may be the two of you just won’t ever see eye to eye. Just keep believing in yourself, enjoy your marriage to her son and respect her relationship with him and her place in your lives and you’ll be fine.
Don’t hesitate to defend and stand up for yourself when you need to. You are a still a good person, worthy of love and peace.
Learning to trust yourself and live your life in the face of opposition might be just the thing that earns you your mother-in-law’s respect.