Making Excuses For Other People’s Bad Behaviour:
Codependency makes people lie to themselves and try to explain away other people’s bad behaviour because they do not really know how to deal with their feelings. They feel responsible for almost everything including other people’s behaviour so they want to rationalize or blame others who are not involved just to maintain control of everything
Fear of Rejection:
Codependent people find it hard to trust others or believe that they can be loved genuinely by anyone for who they are. This is because they have great fear of failure and rejection which makes it hard for them to really open up to anyone.
Manipulation and Control:
They have a need to control everything and everyone around them so they will use whatever means at their disposal to gain compliance; shame, guilt, fear. This is usually born more out of a need to stay in control than any conscious scheming.
A Habit of Giving Unsolicited and Unwanted Advice:
Every chance they get, codependent people want to give advice because they always need to feel needed. They are not just interested in giving an endless barrage of advice, they will want it to be accepted and heeded in order to feel validated.
A Lack of Boundaries:
Codependent people do not really understand boundaries. This is manifested in their unhealthy interference in people’s lives in form of advice and assistance that may or may not be needed. It is also manifested in their tendency to take everything personally; a comment, an unheeded advice, wanting to spend time alone or refusing offered help. This often leaves them feeling rejected, angry and victimized.
Getting Help for Codependency
People usually exhibit varying degrees of codependent behaviour, some more damaging than others, meaning that the level of behaviour adjustment required often varies from person to person. However order to come out of codependent behaviour, acknowledging it is the first step to be taken. There may be a need to speak to a professional or receive some therapy. This is because codependency often pushes people into dysfunctional relationships mainly with people with addictive behaviour as it helps them keep the narrative of being needed. Codependent people may also turn to addictive lifestyles themselves ( with food, drugs, or alcohol) in order to soothe their repressed emotions.
If you have seen signs these signs of codependency in your life, it is better to seek help in order to attain mental, emotional and physical wholeness.