[Opinion] The Bargaining Table of Relationships 2

A #loveselfie isn’t a picture or a status update. It’s an attitude of embracing, accepting and valuing yourself exactly as you are in each moment. It’s being one hundred percent present with yourself. Try it.

Amy Leigh Mercree


Sometimes you’re getting along fine and everything is smooth because you’re being treated in your relationships in a way that is pleasing and acceptable to you. You feel like you’re in the right place and nothing could go wrong.

But, suddenly, in the midst of bliss, you feel a little bump; something is out of sync, this person who used to say and do just the right thing (most of the time) has begun to act up in ways you just can’t understand and now you’re getting more hurt, put-downs and dismissals from this relationship than you’re getting love.

At first, you’re so shocked you probably don’t know what to do but you settle it at the decision to give them the benefit of doubt. And just when you’re patting yourself on the back for being a wise and patient person, you start getting all those rude bumps again but this time it has become worse because it’s no longer a one-time thing but a series of blows and knocks that show no signs of coming to an end. You’re baffled but rouse yourself again determined to uncover the reason for these mishaps and certainly overcome like the ride-or-die person that you pride yourself on being.

You keep “uncovering” one explanation (or excuse?) after another for these unfortunate turn of events in your relationship, adapting yourself and your reactions to the most plausible one (or the one that fits your fancy) per time until you run through all of them to the point of exhaustion and frustration where even your most determined, loving self must confess, “It’s not working and I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Sometimes your relationship gets into a rut, things don’t make sense anymore because the other person is acting up and hurting you badly. And sure, many times, things work out when you choose to have faith in the character of the other person, when you hope based on the remembrance of what you know you once experienced in that relationship but truth be told, many times also, it doesn’t happen like that.

Sometimes the good old days are not coming back and you need to accept people for who they currently are, not who they used to be or who you hope they will be. You can’t receive emotional nurture from antecedents or potential, your heart provisions must come momentarily, in real time. And the present supersedes the past and the future in that it is what obtains now and now is very important in your emotional well-being.

So you have the right to judge people based on how they are currently treating you (I don’t mean two days or two weeks oo) and it is my humble opinion that if you don’t feel well treated in your relationships right now, you need to say a resounding “no!” and if it’s the case that they are not doing enough, still I advice that you do not hesitate to say “not enough”.

However if you come to a place you and the other party cannot reach a satisfactory agreement about a state of affairs and engagement that will be pleasing to both of you, I promise you that if you say “goodbye”, the world will not end. You (and the other person) will simply be making room for something more suitable in your life. If the bargain isn’t good enough (for you), you’re not obliged to make a purchase. Please don’t be afraid to walk on to next bargain and the next until you find the one that works for you. After all, your life is about what you (and your heart) can afford. Abi?