Dealing with a miscarriage…..
Many women and indeed many couples find it hard to cope after a miscarriage and this is perfectly normal.
This is because the loss of a pregnancy can quite shocking. Many people mourn a miscarriage as they would the loss of any loved one. This is also normal because a miscarriage represents the dashing of your hopes of becoming a parent, even only temporarily.
A miscarriage can be more difficult to manage if the pregnancy is closer to term, if you had picked a name or maybe you already knew the sex. If a lot of people already knew about the pregnancy because you had told them or because your pregnancy had become quite obvious, it may be even be harder to deal with.
The grief of a miscarriage for the mother or couple may be compounded by people that surround you who may not understand why you can seem to snap out of it.
The grief of miscarriage is often followed by emotional and physical pain that may manifest in different ways like guilt, anger, sorrow, confusion, anxiety, numbness, exhaustion, sleeplessness and feelings of hopelessness.
Many times people may not know how to deal with grief, pain and loss that follows after a miscarriage because they have been given the impression that it does merit the kind of grief that they may feel; which is usually the kind of grief that one would feel for the loss of a loved one.
Here are some useful tips that can help you deal with the tragedy of a miscarriage better;
1. Embrace and accept the your grief – people respond to tragedy in different ways. Follow your own path in dealing with this loss; don’t deny what you feel and don’t let anyone dictate to you how you should feel.
2. Take time off if you need it– Maybe you’re simply overwhelmed by everything around you. Sometimes you can’t handle all the sympathy that is being shown to you or you have become physically ill, whatever the reason is, take time off as soon as you feel you need it.
3. Don’t shut down communication – It is important that you and your partner keep the lines of communication open even if you’re worried about saying the wrong things. As you talk about things you will be able to provide succour and a listening hear for each other. You could also talk to your loved ones or talk to other who have experienced miscarriage because sharing your experiences with others helps you to relieve the pain and trauma and kick-start the healing process.
If either or both of you feel you need to talk to a professional or someone else who might be able help sort through your issues better, please do so.
4. Don’t give in to fear – Some of the fears that may arise following a miscarriage include fear of having another miscarriage, fear of getting pregnant or fear of never a child, among others. Don’t allow the experience of the miscarriage to make you fearful; deal with your fear by uncovering the sources of the fear. If it is a legitimate like medical issues that you may have that may make you prone to miscarriages, and then address it by seeking the right help.
If it is an unreasonable fear, you must let it go and if you find you cannot do it so easily then you may need to consult a professional who can help you deal with it.
5. Don’t be surprised if you still feel pain – You lost something precious to you so don’t be surprised if you feel pain whenever you remember your miscarriage. It does mean that you are not making progress or moving on, it simply shows that you had a connection to the lost baby.