Sometimes, love is an ambitious thing, outrageous in its demands and expectations. It is hardly enough that you have professed your affections publicly or committed to a monogamous relationship; this kind of love will ask for more. It will seek to read your text messages, demand your Facebook password, and constantly hound you with its tireless questions and suspicions.
I know this for sure because I have seen what it did to a former colleague. Like the ugly aftermath of a fierce storm, jealousy creates an unnecessary mess in perfectly explainable situations. This is why Tunde, the man I refer to (not his real name) almost lost his job, after spending the bulk of his work hours scrolling through his then girlfriend’s Facebook messages.
So let me say this for emphasis; jealousy is a tiring and wasteful preoccupation, and most people are afflicted. And this is okay, sometimes. After all, love in a warped human sense tends to be possessive and territorial. But, it should never be unhealthy. It should not be a nagging fear or constant accusations or any other accompanying drama. So unless you want to ruin your relationship or push your partner away, you might want to deal with extreme jealous tendencies. And luckily, there are a few tricks to help keep such feelings in check.
1. Be willing to lose your partner:
I call this the worst case scenario test. And I know that people don’t like to hear this, especially when they believe that the sun rises in the eyes of their partner or that their life will come to certain crisis, or even end if the partner does anything to betray the relationship. It is sometimes a rational human fear, but jealousy is often an exaggeration of this fear. And once you confront your fear and deal with it, it becomes easier to be less jealous, more sane and enjoy the benefits of the relationship.
2. Share your insecurities:
Not necessarily by asking silly questions or sending off accusing looks. Be willing to talk to your partner. Especially where the said partner is mature and understanding. Basically, it’s okay to say ‘I’m not comfortable with you being so close to certain people.’ I’ve actually heard conversations where persons doubted their partner’s affection because they seemed so secure and unfazed by a prospective competition. So, a little bit of vulnerability on your part may actually reinforce your feelings to them and in the long run, strengthen your relationship.
3. Trust your partner:
You are not an investigative reporter working undercover for a government agency. So don’t plant an informant in your partner’s place of work. Don’t try to pry their passwords out of them, don’t eavesdrop on phone calls and don’t sneak to the bathroom in the middle of the night to read their messages. Trust often goes against the natural tendency to panic, but it is necessary if you want your relationship to last longer than a single term in public office. Also, believe your partner. If they say it’s nothing, then believe it’s nothing. Don’t create unnecessary scenarios in your mind. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty, even in relationships.
4. Ask yourself some hard questions:
Let me explain, I knew a certain lady who was the object of a jealous lover’s insecurities. It was always from one session of accusations of infidelity after the other. It turned out, he was guilty of the crime he tried to pin on her. He had never been in a monogamous relationship and constantly had a number of flings while dating the said girl. So naturally, he could not comprehend the possibility of a person staying loyal in a relationship. In a nutshell, be sure that your suspicions are not a reflection of your own personal failures. And where they are, be open to the possibility that your partner is actually a better person than you. (at least for your sake)
5. Improve yourself:
Not that infidelity has anything to do with you. A philandering person will always find an excuse. But constantly trying to be better ( in every aspect) goes a long way to boost your confidence and reduce the possibilities of jealousy. So you might want to hit the gym, start that business, do the things you’ve always wanted and lead the life that makes you proud.
But this is just my opinion. You might have other ways from personal experience in dealing with jealousy. Feel free to share them in the comment section.