Advice For Setting Your Own Relationships Standards
Relationships and relationship standards be really tricky, that’s the truth of it. There’s a lot of information flying around about what is ideal, acceptable, practicable and generally, what should be the standard. And even though, it’s often said that each person should find works for them because every relationship is the different from the next, the truth is that there’s not enough clarity about what universal standards are and what should be based on individual preferences.
A lot of people are hanging in a confused state about what they believe is good for or not and what the experts and society approve and disapprove of. A lot of people are following advices that are simply not working for them and they don’t know what to do because they believe they’ve done everything the way it should be done. On the other hand, many people too have been badly burnt by refusing to heed counsel and simply doing what felt good for them.
The truth is that relationships, just like life, are a learning curve and any one whose going to make meaning and fulfilment out of his/her relationships will have work his/her individual standards based on personal experiences and that of others.
These guidelines can help anyone who trying to set standard for his or her (potential) relationships:
The failure of many people in most life endeavours, including relationships, is often tied to an inadequate knowledge of themselves. If you don’t know yourself; your likes, your dislikes, the things you can compromise and your personal deal-breakers, you will probably never be able to find fulfilling relationships. This is because you will be going through your interactions with others either based on the opinions of others or without clear cut expectations.
The result of this may be that you will settle for something you don’t really want or that you will make a lot of painful and costly mistakes before you acquire some standards. The easy way is to discover yourself first before trying to get into relationships.
If you take the time and energy to know yourself, you can easily discern the popular advices that agree with you and work for you and those that aren’t fit for your personality and expectation.
Listen To Wise Advice
There are certain things in life that the collective experience of people from one generation to the next, have proven to be valid and reasonable. Don’t be arrogant to believe that you don’t need to consider these tested counsels or be foolish enough to think you need to experience everything by yourself when you can simply listen to tested counsel and avoid many unnecessary troubles.
A lot of people have heard the futility and danger of being in a relationship with an abusive person, yet they still repeat such a mistake (sometimes, severally) because they are arrogant or foolish enough to dismiss time-tested wisdom to believe that they can be different or that they know something that others don’t. This is one example of how people discountenance counsel in relationship standards and end up paying dearly for it.
Fix Your Self-Esteem
If you don’t have a proper perspective of your person, your value and your place in the world, you will never be able to set the right standards for your life and your relationships. If you have a low-esteem, you will probably accept less than you should and put up with behaviour that diminishes. Establishing a sound self-esteem is a bed-rock to having the right personal relationship standards.
When your self-esteem is right you will be able to say “no” to intimidation or wrong counsel, even when it is from a majority, to accept something or someone that is not good enough.
Fix Your Ego
Humility is not low self-esteem; it is a clear understanding of one’s good qualities and flaws. It is a confidence and self-acceptance that is tempered that one, and indeed, everyone else, is not perfect. Humility will help you to be able to have realistic expectations of yourself and others without necessarily becoming a doormat who sacrifices his/her legitimate desires.
Pride on the other hand will push you into setting standards for yourself and others that can be described as deluded and intolerant; you will think you deserve everything from everybody without any provision for what you will offer in return.
When your ego is properly checked, you will not easily make wrong assumptions or harbour wrong expectations.
Own Your Preference
If you’ve given time and effort to understanding yourself, you’ve carefully considered the wisdom bequeathed to you, you’ve come to understand your value, your flaws, your beauty, your uniqueness and that of others, with an understanding that relationships are about reciprocity and mutual value, don’t be afraid to own those personal preferences and dislikes that you have.
You have examined yourself properly and so whatever you find standing as what your heart and head wants, stick to it and don’t be swayed by what others think. You might be set up to show the world another way of doings things or another possibility for relationships