So, what are the best ways to discuss commitment without sending your guy running?
1. Pick your timing carefully
Even though you want to introduce the subject in the first few dates, that initial discussion should be less detailed and urgent. After all, you don’t want to sound like you have the future mapped out and are just looking for a proper tool to fill it.
However, as your relationship progresses, you need to trust your gut. If it’s telling you it’s too early in the relationship to broach the subject — then don’t. On the other hand, don’t wait for the relationship to progress for so long that he becomes comfortable with the status quo without committing.
After all, why would you want to spend years with someone only to find out you have entirely different goals in mind?
2. Don’t force the issue
Yes, these conversations do come up organically. Unfortunately, many women are in such a hurry that they can’t wait for a spontaneous discussion. Relax and find subtler ways to discuss relationships.
For example, while watching a movie about a big family, you can ask him how many kids is his ideal. Or if you’re at a wedding, ask if he ever though about having a wedding, etc. Don’t make the conversation heavier than it needs to be.
I am not saying it’s a frivolous subject or should be treated as such. However, the last thing you want him to see is your obsession with the issue. It’s a turn off to him to think that, instead of enjoying your relationship in the present, you’re continuously making plans for your AND HIS future.
When you do speak to him, however, make sure you listen as well. Sometimes instead of saying ‘no’, he is saying ‘not right now.’ Don’t be so preoccupied with him buying into your plan that any divergence from it sounds like total disavowal.
3. Ask for what you want honestly, not repetitively
Assuming that the time and conversation flow is right, do open up about your hopes and wishes. After all, very few men have ESP, so how would he know what you want unless you voice it?
However, do not impose your plans on him or talk about it incessantly. Instead, speak from your heart and then listen to what he has to say. Do his plans mirror yours? Are they just a little different, or are you two on different planets when it comes to marriage and commitment?
Yes, you may find that your goals are so different that it’s best to part ways and start anew with someone else who shares your vision for the future.
Or, in some cases, you may happily learn that, when it comes to commitment, you two are even more compatible than you thought.
In the end, it’s important to determine the best timing and approach needed to raise the subject with your guy, so you don’t send him running. And if you can’t, that’s a sign in itself. It means you don’t know him well enough to talk about commitment.