As someone who considers her friends some of the most important people in her life, I’m also very aware of what toxic friendships can do to your happiness. As human beings, we want to surround ourselves with people who are going to support, build and uplift us — not drag us down.
If you find yourself losing friends at an alarming rate, you may want to consider your actions. Here are seven things you are doing to drive all of your friends away:
1. Constantly Taking
It’s okay to ask your friends for help. (Isn’t that what friends are for?) If you need someone, I’m there for you – anytime, anywhere. However, nobody likes a leech. If you find yourself constantly asking for favors but offer nothing in return, people aren’t going to want to be around you. I’d do anything for my friends, but if you aren’t willing to lend me a hand when I need help, you are not my friend.
2. Multi-level Marketing
Please stop selling me things. I’m not interested in shakes, Jamberry nails, essential oils or Tupperware. I swear to you, if someone adds me to another Facebook group without permission, I am going to scream. If you haven’t talked to me in months and the first thing I hear from you is about something “life changing” that you want me to buy, the answer is no. Go away. When I want it, I’ll come to you.
3. Phone Devotion
I totally get it. Cell phones are addicting, and it’s hard to tear away from social media. But please, if we are having a conversation, focus on ME and not a tiny little screen. When we are face-to-face, I want you to be present. I am genuinely interested in you and your life, and I want all the details.
4. Unnecessary Drama
Nobody needs more drama in her life. If you are creating problems just to create problems, then you are not worth my time. True friends are forgiving and work through issues. If I’ve done something that bothers you, then let’s talk about, so I can make amends. Your friendship is valuable to me, and I want to make things right.
When you talk poorly about other friends, the first thing I wonder is what you are saying about me. I want to surround myself with people who are loyal to me (both when I’m there and when I’m not). Gossip is fickle, and it will turn on you. Believe me, I’m going to be true to you, so please, be true to me. Your name is safe with me.
Reliability is a big deal. When we make plans to do something, I expect you to commit and follow through. There is nothing worse than a friend who bails at the last minute because something better came along or when they won’t give you a solid answer about making plans. Flakiness is super frustrating.
Some days, it’s all about you, and that’s totally fine. I’m here for you through the thick and thin. But if EVERY day is all about you, then we have a problem. I love hearing about your day but have you ever thought to ask me about mine? As an avid question-asker, it can be frustrating to talk to people who don’t take any thought to asking me questions in return.
At the end of the day, the last thing you want is to scare all of your friends away because those are the people who are going to stand with you during hard times, pull you up when you’re feeling down and give you some of the best memories of your life. It’s worth the time to step out of yourself and treat those relationships with tender love and care.